Positive News Pillows

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Trump pardons

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

Be Healthy

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

CIA report

A little bird told me...

Loan Alley

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'