Positive Lifestyle Gifts

'...I'm high on life.'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"I didn't spark joy."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Cat in a flap

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Exercise Class

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Secretive Weigh In.

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Exercising

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

i-teddy

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

Trust

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."