Portion Humorist Pillows

"You'll never eat all that. Your problem is your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

No-Work Orange

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

Uncle Donnie

"Beware of Don"

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

Trump Will Protect Obama's Legacy

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

John F. Kennedy

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

"Look! Other people. We'll have to develop a foreign policy!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'I couldn't get Parliament to outlaw Lady Godiva, but they agreed to regulate her.'

"I'm the worst president ever...the best!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

2020 Republican Party National Convention

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

Steve Bannon Loves That Donald Trump Exists Outside Linear Time

'This conspiracy theory nonsense MUST end. Any suggestions?'