Poppy Collector T-Shirts

'You always have to be awkward, don't you!'

Grace For Flies

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

NYer uploaded by mod - "Come look, hon! We just got a new cactus!"

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

"It's going over the top? D' you realise what you've just said?"

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

House plants

Employee of the month...

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Afghanistan

Acme Flyswatters.

'Great to see the Mayan pottery collection is still drawing a crowd.'

'See? I told you that it was a bad idea to pitch our tent at Camp Giant Eagle! Say . . .isn't that MY pillow?'

'I knew the day would come when we'd regret moving next door to a genetic research facility.'

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

"Your candle has gone out."