Political Speech Writer T-Shirts

"How did you get so good at writing these fake ads?"

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

Campaign for Plain English

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

Inclusive speech

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Dialogue

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

Political convention

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Changing Minds

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."