Political Influencer Gifts

'I could run for office, but as a lobbyist, why would I want to give up all my power?'

The First Family

"Wouldn't it be kind of fun if we lobbyists had a lobby?"

'I'd like enough money so that I could afford to give it to politicians and run the country.'

"Violation of human rights in Egypt."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Changing Minds

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Cristiano Ronaldo

"This is off our first TikTok."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

Witches of Instagram

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."