Political Inauguration Gifts

"...and will to the best of my ability, which is terrific ability, by the way. Everyone agrees, I have fantastic ability. So there's no problem with my ability, believe me..."

Trump's Oath

Sarracuda

Virtual Inauguration

Three days, minion. Three more days of crimes against nature, otherwise known as "rules and regulations." As a great but misguided man once said, "You have meddled with the primal forces of nature! And you … will atonnnnnnne!" Did you hear all that bass in my voice, minion? Come the morn of January 20th, you will hear that rumble across the land. You may want to bow down to me at this point, since I'm expecting Mr. Trump to name me feudal lord of this township. Very bad man.

Kamala Harris

The rule of thumb was unspectacular, and consisted mostly of strict new regulations on nail clipping.'

'Thank you for flying with the United States of America . . . the captain will now open the bomb-bay doors and send you and all your possessions to their final destination.'

Inauguration

They're Not Just That Into It

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

Joe Biden

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

Joe Biden

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

The new president to the rescue.

Beware of the Legislation

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

The Art of the Possible

Biden presidency

'Oh, we could reduce the deficit, but it'd just leave stretch marks.'

New Mandate - Gun Control, Immigration Reform, Jobs, End of War, and Health Reform.

Explosives: Libyan Oil

America's New Dawn

Francois Hollande

"We're going have to build higher walls."

President Bush's inauguration.

"Clinton spoke at my inauguration, and it's so cold outside-can he crash here for another week?"

"Place your left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me, 'Wow, I can't believe this is happening to me.'"