Politeness Tactician Gifts

5 morning's worth of cliche greetings eliminated in 6 seconds flat.

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

Genius

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

The merger hits a snag.

"Hello moon, the sun sends his regards."

"The change management consultant wants to move the meeting."

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Politeness opens doors

'Some executives have within them the seeds of greatness. Others are just seedy.'

"I said, 'Don't worry, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.' That's when he called my bluff."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

"I didn't mean to burn any bridges behind me. It was just a part of my crumbling infrastructure."

'The Polite Lions' - a new sim game - "We've already got chairs, thank you."

'Careful. You still have that new-employee smell.'

CEO.

'No... you first.'

'No. I insist. You first.'

"No offense."

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

'It looks pretty flimsy, but I'm a gentleman: After you dear...'

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

"Plea bargaining with my mom is more like please bargaining."

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."