Politeness Enthusiast T-Shirts

The merger hits a snag.

'Don't get up, Phil, even if you want to.'

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

Won't it be fun to vacation with your grandmother? I guess. But I'd rather go with you and daddy. Oh, honey! That's so sweet! We'll miss you tooo � Groan! We'll have to be polite 24/7! Does my smile look sincere?

Man attempts to be rid of girl's father so he can be with her

Dentist's patient, "Please - You don't have to get up every time a lady enters the room."

'No. I insist. You first.'

'What do you mean... how am I?'

'Dear Mr. Scarborough...I want to express my appreciation for, your letter of appreciation, for my letter of October 5th.'

Gentleman whale.

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"All rise."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'