Policing Food Mysteries Gifts

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

GM Crops Genie.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Horse meat scandal.

CSI Fridays

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

'Darling where are you getting the burgers from these days?'