Policing Food Mysteries Gifts

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

GM Crops Genie.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Horse meat scandal.

CSI Fridays

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

'Darling where are you getting the burgers from these days?'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.