Police And Crime Commissioner T-Shirts

"The role of Police and Crime Commissioner is largely symbolic."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'We've got a new DNA database...'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Remember - this meeting never happened, we never met, and you never wore that tie with that jacket."

Bureau of Missing Persons

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Something tells me this isn't the 'Good Cop'."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

The Ferguson Effect

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

The Line-up

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

" . . . the victim was slowly roasted until golden brown and then. . . Oh my gawd! Stuffed with bread and savory herbs and spices!"