Police And Crime Commissioner Gifts

"The role of Police and Crime Commissioner is largely symbolic."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'We've got a new DNA database...'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

Bureau of Missing Persons

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"Remember - this meeting never happened, we never met, and you never wore that tie with that jacket."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

"Something tells me this isn't the 'Good Cop'."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Hey, we're doing an office pool on who gets to bust that illegal card game on Main.'

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

The Line-up