Points Collector Pillows

Thank you for calling airline miles Visa, Mr. Taylor. How can I help you today. I'd like to book ma flight. No problem. I see you've accrued 40,000 points on your Visa - enough to travel anywhere in the U.S. on a Thursday. Thursday? Right. Any Thursday in May. The other days and months are blacked out. Of course, then I have a similar policy. Pardon? Ahem. I will only use my awards card on Thursdays in May. The rest of the days and months are blacked out! You understand you can't win. Somehow I'

'My wife's left me for a man with more Nectar points...'

Online Shopping.

'Geoffrey got a triple word score! . . .no, we weren't playing scrabble, I give him points if he strings three words together.'

'About these points that you keep putting on my licence. Can I redeem them for consumer goods?'

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Thank you bubbles

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'I call it a flat.'

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

Philosopher trading cards.

The Card Flinger

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"My dad says this pencil was once used by William Shakespeare." "Is it 2B or not 2B?"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Too much club."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'It's a snow mobile.'

'And in addition it seems that he has been eating some of the other children'.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Clinical psychology involves observation of patients in clinics and related settings. Forensic psychology takes place at crime scenes. Cognitive psychology uses mathematical models. It can happen at a computer. Ernie prefers to put his patients in the car and drive backwards. Which is? Reverse psychology.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Card shark

'I'm a football referee - I'll have a box of red and a box of yellow.'

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"