Plot-twister Lover Pillows

Which one of you devils sabotaged my television coverage? Randy, I know it wasn't you because you're too stupid to figure that out. Wrong! Really? You fell for that? Stupid, no; egoistic, to a fault.

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Subway Thrillers

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"After several chapters of pushing a boulder up a hill over and over again, I think your average reader will watn to see something else happen, Mr. Sisyphus."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

' I don't think we're in Kansas any more ...'

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

"Better than Chekhov"

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

Crime

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

Cinema. I won't tell you what happens, but there's a great twist at the end.

I've decided to become a mystery writer. "Dark clouds filled the horizon as two young lovers walked along the shore. As if sensing something was about to happen, seabirds cautiously circled around the couple. Suddenly and without warning, the young man reached inside his jacket and pulled out a large bag of pretzels and began to feed the birds." I'm very proud of that opening. The story has just started and it's already filled with twists and terns.

Galoots in cahoots

'I can't seem to find the 'surprise' ending.'

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

"It's the grisly story of the brutal murder of a publisher who rejected a brilliant novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who..."

"I've just had a meeting with your wife, lovely woman."