Playful Communicator Pillows

'Private! I said to search for IEDs!'

'This is really cool Joey. How do I text?'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

A man enters house wearing a sandwich board, which reads: Hi honey I'm home.

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

Thought bubbles and speech bubbles

Sixth word.... Sounds like... Bell! ...Hell? ...Well? ...WELL!! ...OK, then... so far it's 'Timmy BLANK trapped BLANK BLANK well'...

"Of course I could have delivered this letter into your post box but hauling it up to the fourth floor is my personal pleasure! Ummmhh....I mean it's my personal service!"

'You're breaking up.'

Emoticon Prison.

Text message caption: 'M GETIN IN TCH WIV MI INR CHILD.'

'Don't worry, I'll make sure she sees it!'

Today, one of our periodic looks at how to express strong emotion while avoiding improper, offensive or unkind language. And here's your host: Mort Park. Darn! Shut the front door! Oh, carp! Fudge! Jiminy Christmas! Mother trucker! Futsy mutsy! And my personal favorite … Djokovic. Responsibly inventing alternative curse words since the summer of 2011.

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."

'You're grounded. Stop telling your friends you're 'under house arrest'.'

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

I met a girl last night. It went well. Do tell. We saw each other through a crowd. I winked at her. She winked back. If all goes well, we may get to second base tonight. Second base? We may exchange smiley emoticons instead of just hitting "wink." Are you sure you're ready for that?

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

I think I have too many apps.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Direct Marketing...

"I'm fascinated by body language."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Wordplay: Export.

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Target your message

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."