Playful Banter Expert Gifts

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A lesson in wit

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'You're looking well.'

"It's the drink talking"

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'