Plant Pilgrims Pillows

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Queen of Quinoa

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

'I never tire of watching Hippies go by: They're so colourful...'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

'I don't know what it is. It showed up right after I invented agriculture.'

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

Chelsea flower show sewage

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'Soy milk, soy burgers...imagine being replaced by a bean.'

"Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"

Garden Pest Solutions

"I know it's made of tofu, Paul, but you're missing the point."

Vegan Menu

"I'm surprised Tofurkey isn't more popular. It tastes nothing like turkey."

'Frankly - I think this is a monstrous invasion of our privacy!'

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

'Welcome to Lourdes'

Man in vegan retaurant: 'I'll eat anything with a pulse.'