Plant Pilgrims Gifts

Give me a sign that you're making your overgrown garden more attractive! I was about to! Good! Not what I was hoping for! Backyard wildlife sanctuary.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Queen of Quinoa

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

'I never tire of watching Hippies go by: They're so colourful...'

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

'I don't know what it is. It showed up right after I invented agriculture.'

Where we get veggie burgers

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

Chelsea flower show sewage

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'Soy milk, soy burgers...imagine being replaced by a bean.'

"I'm surprised Tofurkey isn't more popular. It tastes nothing like turkey."

Vegan Menu

Garden Pest Solutions

"I know it's made of tofu, Paul, but you're missing the point."

"Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"

When vegans pose for photos.

'Frankly - I think this is a monstrous invasion of our privacy!'

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 3

'Welcome to Lourdes'