Plant Aficionado Gifts

"Yes, shamrocks are green. Yes, they have three leaves. Unfortunately, so does poison ivy."

"We've licked the slug problem,Stan.No need for a beer trap tonight."

Rite of Spring.

Have you found any gold balls in there?

"At last - I've found a position that matches your talents, Perkiss!"

We'll cling together just like the Ivy.

"I've seen a tulip before."

Bonsai Exhibit

Gardening.

'We've got to dig out that rhododendron. . . It's almost dead. How can you say it looks fine?'

'What do you mean, you forgot to put the chlorophyll in Adam and Eve?'

'Why does everything have to break into flower the day I go on holiday?'

Bonsai Loggers

Try to extinguish the potting shed...brush wood ash into a neat pile - it will make valuable plant food.

Customers seek Alyssum in Garden Centre.

Topiary: When the written word isn't enough

"It's the house specialty."

I didn't know there were so many gardeners. They aren't gardeners. Flower Show. He is. She isn't. She is. How can you tell? Look at their feet!

What? Spring isn't bulb-planting time!!! Expensive gardens. Best spring bulbs!!! It's way too late to grow this year's "best bulbs"! What calendar do they think we're on? Mail. The commercial calendar? Expensive gardens catalog. Bulb sale.

Planties

"Would you see to old Peterson? He's in the philodendron again."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Plants Cheer as They Get Watered.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Yardless: Please help

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"

'The forest is so dark and gloomy: It's nice to reach the emergence and get a bit of sunshine...'

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

"Have you guys seen my recent collab with the universe?"

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.