Placebo Ponderer Pillows

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"With this medication, you may find your voice getting richer and more powerful, but don't worry. It's just a placido effect."

"We still don't understand how this happened. You were with the placebo control group."

'I think it's a placebo, so I paid with a fake credit card.'

"Well Doctor, I thought if a placebo works, this might as well..."

'Attention - we're combining our anti-viral and anti-bacterial placebo divisions immediately.'

'Do you carry over-the-counter placebos?'

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Waiting for Pants

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

'Say again: a train going 50 Miles Per Hour leaves Chicago heading to a black hole where the rules of motion change as a function of distance from a singularity ... and then what?'

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

Progress?

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Woah - random!"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'We could use more moving and shaking from you, Yomp, and less bobbing and weaving.'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"