Pizza Humorist Pillows

"My theory is that alcohol and gluten, if taken together, will reduce fat and build muscle."

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Cat eats date.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."