Pit Stop Pro Pillows

"I need to tinkle."

'Your wife borrowed the car.'

Race car driver sees Pit crew member holding sign: Stop And Ask For Directions.

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

Propping up a profits chart.

"Want to trade banks with me?"

"Nap time."

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

Clarence always halved lots of cargo.

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

'It's the latest in truck stop chic.'

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'Yes, I got it all.'

Suspicious Person Ban.

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

'By the time I finish explaining the rules, I've lost 'em.'

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

'I'm done with school because all I need to make a living is to know how to persuade my dad to give me money!'

"Those are my money managers."

'They must practice their pit stops for hours to get it as badly wrong as that.'

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres.

Formula 1.

'Didn't your doctor tell you that you're not supposed to light the nicotine patches?'

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."