Pit Stop Pro Gifts

"I need to tinkle."

'Your wife borrowed the car.'

Race car driver sees Pit crew member holding sign: Stop And Ask For Directions.

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"Want to trade banks with me?"

Propping up a profits chart.

"Nap time."

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

Clarence always halved lots of cargo.

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

Road signs of Aging

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

'It's the latest in truck stop chic.'

'Enough deodorant! This isn't what a pit crew does!'

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Suspicious Person Ban.

'Yes, I got it all.'

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

'By the time I finish explaining the rules, I've lost 'em.'

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

'I'm done with school because all I need to make a living is to know how to persuade my dad to give me money!'

"Those are my money managers."

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

'They must practice their pit stops for hours to get it as badly wrong as that.'

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres.

Formula 1.

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).