Pirate Historian Gifts

"We have half your money in bonds and annuities, the other half under an oak tree in the Caymans."

"Aye, don't have something a tad more friendly?"

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

Remote control pirate bully

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Are we there yet?'

Piracy on a boating lake

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"You're lucky someone was nice enough to turn it in."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

tRUMp, Pirate President

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

'He's been there ever since he ate the parrot!'

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Pirate

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."