Pirate Historian Gifts

"We have half your money in bonds and annuities, the other half under an oak tree in the Caymans."

"Aye, don't have something a tad more friendly?"

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

Remote control pirate bully

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Piracy on a boating lake

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Are we there yet?'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"You're lucky someone was nice enough to turn it in."

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Pirate

'He's been there ever since he ate the parrot!'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'