Pilot Humorist Pillows

"Yes of course I understand how dangerous birds on the runway are. All I`m saying is was it really necessary for you to leave your aircraft and chase them yourself?"

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Pirates at the mall.

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Tattoos sagging with time

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and this is your captain siiinnngiiinnng."

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'There can be such a thing as too much parental involvement.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Many clowns in rowboat

'Officer, I thought road signs were just mere suggestions.'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'