Pill Poppin' Jokester Gifts

"Those sinus pills you prescribed didn't work, doc...I put three up my nose every day for a week and I'm still congested!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Men dancing

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Interrupted Shower.

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'