Pill Popper Punster Gifts

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'Time for your pills.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

Note Book

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Medication for the elderly

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'We are gathered here...'

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

Amnesia Clinic: "Take one of these pills whenever you remember to."

'You must take these pills for the rest of your life.' - 'But there're only 25 in here.'

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"They can't cure the common cold, but why would they want to?"