Pill Popper Humor Gifts

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'Time for your pills.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

Medication for the elderly

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Amnesia Clinic: "Take one of these pills whenever you remember to."

'You must take these pills for the rest of your life.' - 'But there're only 25 in here.'

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

"These are for your heart and kidneys – the others are for the rest of your organs so they don't feel left out."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

'It's late!...I can only hope late enough.'

'How do you like school?'

'I know it hasn't any wheels...They're still in the pencil.