Pigskin Tactician Pillows

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

Football.

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"The tissues are for crying."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

Stop the big guy!

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Midnight in Minnesota

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

'If I work at home and I'm sick, do I have to go to the office?'

'Quit rushing me.'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

"Another meeting?"

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

Another football season comes to an end.

'Now that's Hi-def!'

Dibs!