Piercing Perfectionist Pillows

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

'Teenagers!'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Punk Reindeer

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Surreal ale

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'I got fired, Amy... I hate it when that happens!'

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

I love Marimba

'Clarice, you know our rule. You cannot date anyone who has...'

"Just a drop."

Tattoo and Piercing...Stares by an angry, judgmental mother.

"It's called being preemptive."

Quality Contorl.

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'

'Now don't complain Mum: You started it by giving me my first nose-ring...'

Punk Angel

Orange navel has ring

Ventriloquist's fete

Boxing Trainer: 'And watch out for this fella. He has a huge Left Hook.'

I would love to learn Karate, but Dad insists I do Boxing instead: He says I have natural disposition for it...

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

'Look at it this way...you're like a big pop star! The hits just keep on coming!'

'No, I'm sorry - the nose ring is going to have to go!'

'I don't care if your friends all did it too - you look like an idiot!'