Pie Gourmet T-Shirts

'No Mr Moss, 'Alcoholic Poisoning' doesn't mean that pork pie you had with your 12 pints of lager was 'a bit iffy'!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

To do before Saturday...

Hot Pie Therapy

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

Cheese

Holiday Supplies

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"The bagels are better in New York."