Phonetic Fan Pillows

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

' Once again, the name is Perry, with a P, as in pterodactyl.'

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

Addiction to mobile.

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"Do you hear what I hear?"

'You are naming your invention a telephone, Mr. Bell? That has a nice ring to it.'

"Yeah, I see the outgoing calls, but what about the introverted ones?"

Musician hurts his nose.

'Yes, I'm really modern now. I use a cell phone and no longer need a phone booth.'

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

'It's a Marimba!'

'Mr. Watson?.. Alexander Graham Bell here. I'm a first-time caller...'

A servant unfamiliar with his mistress's voice

'John's animal impressions are particularly good. He not only does the sounds, he does the smells as well!'

"Go on, breath in the helium from the balloon, you'll sound all squeaky like me..."

Non-smoking. Do you have a footsies section and a non-footsies section?

"Hi! Is this Jesus of Nazarath, son of David? This is Stan. We're family! I found you on Ancestry."

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

The Red Cat: Lights/Red Cat Humour/Rhyme.

"...and the dish ran away with the other dish."

"Hey, I'd recognize your squeaky, high-pitched voice anytime."

'The alphabet in alphabetical order

Wow. Is your heartbeat in stereo? It's actually beyond stereo, doctor. You should get yourself a quadrophonic stethoscope!

'If you don't stop playing that thing I'll go crazy.'

'What the heck ever happened to all the great polka bands.'

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

"And did I mention it was a very quiet neighborhood?"

"I said, that's my final offer, Carmody. Pressing the pound key for more options will get you nowhere."