Phones Off Advocate Pillows

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

Catalan sentence

"Homework is work, and work without breaks is a federal offense that can be reported to the labor board."

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

". . . Then she married the wealthiest man in the word and they lived happily ever after, all be it separately."

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

"Milo, are you feeling that Daisy is 'leaning in' more? Did you guys try any of the homework? I know, let's try not napping, can we try this? No?"

"Please hold my calls."

'Okay, you can see him now. But you must promise not to wake him.'

"Listen, Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore."

'Honey it's time to let go and cut the cord. He's a man now! He's going to college for goodness sake!'

"Yes, they call us "feral", but be proud of that: it means we're shunning domestication!"

The Off-line Store

"I'm bringing litigation against everyone who is responsible for my overly demanding socialization."

"The only way to stop a bad guy with a magnifying glass is a good guy with a magnifying glass. And sorry about Earl."

"We installed thick, shag carpet. We got tired of everyone dropping and breaking their phones."

The only guy left who's not online.

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media

"If at first you don't succeed, have a second referendum."

"I'm overworked underpaid and stressed as hell. . . what do you have to complain about?"

Scottish Independence referendum

"I'd like a tattoo that says I'm my own man. But put it sompelace my wife won't see it."

"He definitely doesn't want to see anybody."

2020 was a rough year for lip readers. (sad man wearing a mask, not able to read lips)

"I told you not to text and fly!"

Alex Salmond

Use no hooks.