Phone Pun Lover Pillows

'I'm afraid you have called the wrong number.' (he has one of those old-fashioned phones with a rotary dials)

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Australian Mobile Bar

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."

"I'll have what he's having."

Pavement artist.

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

iPhone Senior

'Please hold for an eternity...'

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.

Cat's Tongue