Phone Pun Lover Pillows

'I'm afraid you have called the wrong number.' (he has one of those old-fashioned phones with a rotary dials)

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Australian Mobile Bar

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'You give me goose bumps!'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I'll have what he's having."

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

Pavement artist.

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'