Phone Phobic Gifts

"His lordship is unable to answer the phone as he doesn't like to speak with his mouth full..."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

'It's one of those cold callers.'

"Nope. Guess again."

"This ‘no BlackBerrys in the conference room’ rule is killing me."

"I don't care if someone is bugging my cell phone, I have no opinions of my own."

Here. They asked for me. That means it's probably no one I want to talk to. !?!

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

'No I won't press one, two or a million. I want to speak to a human being!'

Telemarketing dials it up a notch.

'You're still holding for Mr Stein? Press one for 'anger management'.'

'How about giving me your phone number?. . . But I don't know your name.'

'We're sorry, the number you dialed is no longer in service. Please check your head and dial again. . .'

"Push '4' to hear these options again...and this time pay attention!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Grandma's caf

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

High speed cinder block

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

'Okay, I'm going to make the phone ring just once, and I want you to refrain from picking up. Bite the towel if you have to.

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

Modern Narcissism

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

Pizza Delivery Delays

"Doctor, your client with the multiple personality disorder, is on lines one, two, three and four."

"Can we wrap this up? Our phones need charging."

Automated customer service.

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"You know, there are also some people who should never have children, hint hint...."

"Is it an important text?"