Phone Phobia Humorist Pillows

Do not call.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Doctor, your client with the multiple personality disorder, is on lines one, two, three and four."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

Automated customer service.

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

Superhero with Acrophobia

'Can you do anything else?'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

iPhone Senior

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

Telephone Phobics Society

"I'll have my people call your people."

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

No Texting

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Man in tuxedo afraid to fire his gun.

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Ahab's Last Call.

A baby escapes from a pram

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

Lost Dog

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

"This is the smallest website I've ever seen. Which is ironic, because it's a site about claustrophobia."