Phone Frustration Navigators Gifts

"To talk to someone in Customer Service, press one, but we're pretty sure you'll want to hear our other 12 options. . ."

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

Road signs.

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

"Boxing day is so boring."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"I know all about the birds and bees, but what's all this about 'erectile dysfunction?'"

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

Excess Baggage: Most taxi drivers have GPS in their cars, but will still get completely lost when you are the passage.

''The birds and the bees'? — Why, son, they're the most dangerous animals known to man!'

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with life!"

'I am so very frustrated! It's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

Meet Santa. I've been working for weeks on the list of presents I want. I've got my Christmas present list and an invitation for Santa to attend my birthday party next year -- I know it's a long shot but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try. He just wants to know if you've been naughty or nice ... You didn't have to bring your whole resume. "Naughty or nice"? Does he mean your private life or your public persona? Yeah, it's all so confusing! Is sharing music files naughty or nice?

"Come with me. I've found someone who'll talk square footage with you."

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

Voice Jail

Labyrinth of bureaucracy

"to place an order, press one. To cancel an order, press two. For billing information, press three. For sale items, press four. For returns, press five. For customer service, press six. For the nearest location, press seven. To enroll in a memory course, press eight."

"Row faster, Manny- I just spotted my ex."

'Sir, Tri - cities products on lines 1, 2 and 3.'

"Sorry, the 'GSOH' in my add stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'."

Confusing Parking Rules

When Cell Phone Users Go to Hell

"Dunno - I just assumed that you would know what we were supposed to do..."

"Cruz? Why are you calling me Baldo's girlfriend? Is there something I should know?"

"I don't like people knowing things about me."

"I recently recovered a crucial repressed memory. But then I forgot it."

Conversation pit