Phone-free Philosopher Pillows

'Have you thought about getting rid of your land line?'

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

Woman on the phone.

Modern Portrait Gallery

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

'When I googled myself, and nothing came up, I began to question my own existence!'

'So much effort to meet me? Man, you just should have visited my website!'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

'I blog, therefore I am.'

Gawk

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Quiet!

I have a homepage, therefore I am.

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

Bird to bird: 'If I'm not careful, I could twitter my life away.'

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

"Well on the upside, we get a highly personalized experience."

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'