Phone Foodie Gifts

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"You do like octopus?"

The Fourth Little Pig

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

Soup of the month.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

La Table

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."