Tv Foodie Gifts

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Spice Wimmyn.

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

What the Doctor Ordered

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

La Table

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'