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Dead Funny

Dog Nightmares

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"What do you mean you can't stand to be touched?"

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Pencil eraser."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

What's Their Secret?

"Mr. Carley, would you like to begin today’s session?" "Claustrophobic's therapy session today at 2:00"

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

I just can't understand Ho9w anyone could be afraid of clowns.

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"No, not us. Do something every day that scares you."

Death By Mattress

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Never being able to think of the right thing to say at the right time phobia.

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

"No, I'm scarier."

'Tell me again why we are afraid of chairs.'

'For claustrophobia. Take two tablets right before hiding under the bed.'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'Do you still think my fear of Scottish clowns is irrational?'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

Psychiatrist. Claustrophobic, eh? The doctor is pretty busy today, but maybe I can squeeze you in.

Dr Rimbone suffered terribly from 'Dentist's Block'.

'Come back lads, it's 'armless.'

'Another nightmare, Billy? What genre - horror or thriller?'

Psychiatry. It's funny. You're a germaphobe and the last patient on that couch has a phobia about soap!

'Boy I freak out when slimy things touch my feet...'

'What it like being able to jump so high?'