Phobia-based Humor Collector Pillows

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Vegetarian Birds

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

Cake Free Zone

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Bathroom Fairy

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'