Philosophers Of The Bbq Gifts

"So remember son, if you study hard and keep focused in your job you too can probably not quite reach the same standard of living as your dad."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Do you believe the world is all an illusion?" "I know it is. I know it can be bent by our collective will. When I was born, there were horses and buggies in the streets. But as soon as we all believed we could do it, we went to the moon." "Oh, I agree. That's why I'm trying to get the whole internet to retweet 'It's possible to upload our minds into immortal robot bodies.' If the entire hive mind of Earth tweets that at the same time, it's got to come true." "I hope not. I'd hate for you to end

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

Advanced Zen for Couch Potatoes: Earl becomes One with his Lazy-Boy.

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

"How's your book coming?"

"If America wasn't America... America would declare war on it."

"Oh, I'm happy enough - I just wish my life were more like Sting's."

Anorexic flora.

"Still fat."

'We only have a five minute window, everything has to be time to the last second.'

"I think the cots go in the tent!"

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

"I'd like it rare...no...WELL DONE, good and faithful servant!"

'Just because we're stranded doesn't mean I'm not your attorney and that these aren't billable hours.'

"I think if there's one thing we've all learned from this, it's that we haven't learned a damn thing."

"Let's just invade the picnic, stay for five minutes, and leave."

'I studied the issues, reviewed the facts, considered all the alternatives and decided 'the hell with it'.'

Sometimes i wonder if cows ever have one single sensible thought.

"It doesn't get any better than this."

'I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe in Harvey.'

"I don't like this. Jimmy should have been back out here by now. The cops have been in there grilling him for over an hour!"

'It's been 3 weeks and still no rapture...I'm not waitin' that long fah you to pay yaw'r bah tab.'

'I told you that cats were independent and did whatever they wanted to.'

'Allowing prayer time at work...It's a disgrace!'