Philosopher Of Life Fatigue Gifts

'The doctor can treat ennui and lassitude, but he can't touch torpor.'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Call me?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Aging Support Group

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Death coach..."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Who's Dead

Women

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)