Philosopher Of Life Fatigue Gifts

'The doctor can treat ennui and lassitude, but he can't touch torpor.'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

Women

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

Who's Dead

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'