Philosopher Of Cause And Effect Gifts

"Yeah! Well, I don't believe in karma."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"Sometimes it's good to just pause and reflect on how obscenely rich we are."

"I think once Qadyn is exposed to other 7-year-old nihilists, he’ll really start to blossom."

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

God is a spider.

Cycles of evolution and destruction

Let me warn you, toots. Celebrity is like radioactivity: you start with a big bang, then comes years with a half-life of slow decay.

'If fate had been kinder, either of us might be living in the White House.'

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

A snake eats evolving animals.

"So much for that publicity stunt."

Back in 10 minutes.

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"I've been voting for the lesser of two evils for decades now, and yet the country still seems to be self-destructing in slow motion."

A man seeking wisdom from a bee at the top of a mountain

'I believe in kizmet and it is our destiny to be friends for life.'

Live, Love, Laugh, Loathe.