Philanthropy Ponderer Pillows

"How do I know you won't use this for drugs?"

'What is the minimum contribution needed to be considered a philanthropist?'

Telescopic Philanthropy - Foreign and Domestic Philanthropy

'One is for me and one is for the poor souls on the Jersey Shore, Staten Island and New York city.'

Give something back.

'It's a fund-raising dinner for the needy ... but hopefully none of them will be there.'

"I think I'll shop around a little, first."

"That's a charity that I've never heard of."

"'Give all that thou hast to the poor'? - I KNEW there'd be a catch!"

'Nice try!'

Please give, at WWW.roybeggar.com

'Relief fund relief fund.'

'Must take this very important call.'

CEO of a business walks past homeless man with sign saying 'Spare bonus cash?'.

"They said give till it hurts. It started hurting right away."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'