Philanthropist Ponderer Pillows

Too Much Money

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

Chiller Theatre

Shakespeare was bisexual

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"What was I thinking?!"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I cross the road to forget."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Is this who I am?"

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'At least I don't have his life.'

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.