Pharma Phantasmagoria Gifts

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

Sea of Tranquillity

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

Standup Pharmacist

R. Dough, M.D. - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat & Big Pharma Stock.

Leo and Florence Wolfe play medication commercial BINGO during the nightly news.

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

Werewolf prone? Try our MoonBlock.

Stool Softener

Push In And Turn

The Consequences of Treaty Of Amiens with France- Addington, Hawkesbury and Fox as Conjurers

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."