Pharma Phanatic Gifts

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Medical Supplies

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

'I have a lot of stock in Zorex Drugs, and I only want medicine that they make.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"Here's a list of drug companies in my stock portfolio - could you prescribe something made by one of them?"

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

Roy felt it was important to act out any side effects that a prescription might cause.

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'Don't worry about the side effects. You already suffer from all the side effects caused by this medication.'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

We need to up your dosage or lower mine.

"I assure you the drug was tested by several mice before they died."

'Pharmaceutical stocks gave the market a real shot in the arm today...'

'Since when have they started advertising placebos on TV?'

"Cholesterol medicine commercial, Take 3. This time, try to sound less horrified when you say, 'May cause heart to explode through ears'."

'... So I'm standing near this old guy and he's using an old, giant cell phone-- I mean this thing is ridiculous! Hahahaha!'

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

"I can't afford to take on any new conditions at this time."

"Take it for excess gas."

'Your tests all come back negative, but we have a pill for that.'

Standup Pharmacist

"Irritable nation syndrome. What do you have for that?"