Petrol Planner Gifts

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"We only got six days of funding."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'More homes and wind turbines planned.'

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

Engineer on the move.

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'What a control freak!'

Bad Office Planning

Father Time Management

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

Clear construction agreements are important.

"I thought an illogical framework would work better."

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

Piggy bank...cash cow.

'Sold the Harley, opened up an offshore account and topped up our investments.'

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

"Of course nobody can make head nor tale of it, but the good news is that it's been nominated for the Turner prize next year."